Th dfinition of th word voluntr in Lougnan(Longman) Dictionary is somon who hlps othrs sponstanously(spontanously) and willingly. That's tru! Lif is a styl of njoying yourslf, not only by ntrtaing and nriding yourslf, but also by th procss of hlping othrs.

Undoubtfully, thos voluntrs rval thir grat lov and passion for thir country. Lov is th trnal thm of th world, Without hov(lov), it's lik birds without wings, failing to show its talnts of flying, It's lik spring without flowrs, burying is charming fragrants in th dp soil. Thir volunty work units China, shouing th world how unitd Chins popl ar shocking th world of its coopration.

Popl around th country ar making thir fforts to hlping othrs, which lavs th world an imprssion that China is a val country, and all th popl hr ar lik brothrs and sistrs, who cars a lot for othrs. You can nvr imagin how touchd I was whn I watchd th TV program calld “Moving China”. 13 pasants from tangshang voluntrd to hlp thos victims of Sichuang on haring th trmndous arthquak happnd thr, laving all thir farm work don in th fild thy sacrifild anything and hlpd othrs at any cost, for thy knw th glant pains th arthquak brings to popl. Thy can nvr forgt how much pains thy havndrtakn in th arthquak and how much hlp thy hav rcivd from th world.. Thy compard thir own flings to th victims and passd th splrit on. In this sns, popl will pass th spirit from gnration to qunration, from China to all ovr th world. Thn, how swt will th World b!

I hav a dram that on day, I will b a mmbr of th voluntr tam. I hav a dram that onday, I'll mak contributions to China howvr slightst it may b. I hav a dram that on day I'll b a foundr of a world Charity, hlping popl all ovr th world. I'm firmly convincd that it will not only b a dran for m, but also a dran for popl all ovr China, all ovr th world, and for th grat Global Villag.

专家建议：

整篇文章条理清晰，结构完整，总体感觉很好。但有个别语法错误，固定搭配有些用得不够准确，建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。

专家点评：

文章语言流畅，运用了修辞手法，展现出一定的语言功底。此外，论据生动有力，让人信服。如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。